Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 3 April 2010

image for Susan Boyle Checks Into The Hospital For Liposuction
Susan Boyle on the way from her home to the market.

BLACKBURN, Scotland - Susan Boyle the Scottish singing sensation who had the number one album of 2009, I Dreamed A Dream, has checked herself into London's Our Lady of The English Muffins Hospital.

SuBo, as she is known throughout the free world has gone in to have a type 3 liposuction procedure done.

Boyle's physician, Dr. Miles Oliver Shillinglaw, said that the 49-year-old singer will have what they commonly refer to as a Vocalized-Tummy VT-7 Reduction.

Dr. Shillinglaw went on to explain that most women who are in their late 40s who have stomach liposuction are given the option of having the VT-7 procedure done.

The reason for this is due to the fact that chances are that not only have they managed to put on quite a bit of weight in the stomach region, the hips area, and the ample arse sector, but they have also managed to have packed it on in the throat area (double chin) as well.

He added that some of the fat in the throat area is confined to the vocal cords. And that it exactly the case in Ms. Boyle's situation. He noted that with her being a professional singer, it is wise to remove the vocal cord fat at the same time that they remove the stomach fat.

Dr. Shillinglaw said that he probably performs about three of these VT-7's a month. He did note that the only two negative aspects could be that after the surgery Ms. Boyle's voice could end up being one full octave higher than what it is, which in actuality, is not really a bad thing.

The second negative aspect could be that Ms. Boyle may end up having multiple orgasms without not-to-much stimulation or poking.

Susan Boyle is in good spirits and she has already signed a total of 47 patient arm casts, leg casts, and in the case of one Timothy Billylid a pecker cast.

In other news. The Republic of China has reported that since the first of the year, graffiti on the Great Wall of China has decreased by 98 percent. When asked what they attribute this amazing reduction to, a government spokesman stated that it has to be their new policy which went into affect on January 1, which gives security guards the right to shot any taggers on the spot.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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