Heather Mills Anxious For Dancing On Ice To Start

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Heather Mills Anxious For Dancing On Ice To Start
A pair of ice skates that the show had manufactured especially for Heather Mills.

LONDON - One of Great Britain's top rated shows Dancing On Ice has proven that ice, celebrities, and music do go well together.

The shows producer Burgess Willowhouse has stated that this years edition promises to be the best one yet.

Willowhouse, who has also produced the hit dancing shows Dancing In The Water, and Dancing In Our Knickers, was somewhat disappointed that his idea of having the seven female celebrity skaters dance in skimpy bikini tops was vetoed by a 4 to 3 vote of the female participants.

He said that one of the celebrities who will probably become an early on viewer favorite will be 41-year-old Heather Mills, the ex-wife, or make that the ex-filthy rich wife of former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney.

The well-endowed in the bust department Heather, or "He-He" as her maid Virginia Brandywine, 38, calls her is a very brave lady since she only has one leg.

Heather did say that so far during the practice sessions she has really been roughed up, not so much by her professional partner, but by the unmerciful ice itself.

Mills said that she has suffered a varying degree of injuries including a broken rotator cuff, a bruised 11th floating rib, a swollen funny bone, which was not the least bit funny, a shifted pelvis, and botoxed lips which fell giving Heather an even bigger chin than Jay Leno has.

HeMi, as Mick Jagger calls her, has also squished her labia minora, squashed her labia majora, and scratched her G-Spot.

Heather says that she is not a quitter and she will continue. She said that she will not let her latest injury which resulted in having to get eight stitches to her cervix deter her from her goal of winning this years Dancing On Ice.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It must be pointed out that the cervical injury was not a result of an ice injury but rather a result of an overly excited male suitor named (NAME DELETED BY THE PUBLISHER)].

Heather confessed that all throughout her marriage to Paul (McCartney) he referred to her as the "Ice Princess." Well she says that now she is going to show him as well as everyone in the United Kingdom that the "Ice Princess" is getting ready to kick some British butt.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more