Rev. Al Sharpton: "People Only Be Dissin' Tiger Woods Cause He Be Black"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 3 December 2009

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image for Rev. Al Sharpton: "People Only Be Dissin' Tiger Woods Cause He Be Black"
An extreme close up photo of Rev. Al Sharpton. (Photo courtesy of Sean Hannity).

HARLEM - Rev. Al "Yo Bro" Sharpton, the self-proclaimed defender of the defenseless has chimed in on The Tiger Woods soap opera, "As The Golf Ball Turns" with his two cents worth.

Speaking before a group of wine wholesalers at his cousin Jermell "Bling Bling" Sharpton's three-bedroom apartment, the reverend shook his head and said that the "Merican media" is at it again.

Sharpton pointed out that the lily-white journalists have focused all of their entire focusing equipment on a skinny little black boy who can flat out knock the hell out of a white golf ball.

He went on to rant and rave that ever since the days and nights of the damn Civil War, black men have been having to defend every damn little non discretionary thing that they does and it ain't one damn bit fair.

Sharpton said "Let me says dis about dat. Dat white woman, Mrs. Woods, whom Eldrick (Tiger) literally rescued from one of da worst ghettos up there in dat damn, frozen, God forsaken place called Sweden, has turned on da boy, ah...make dat da bro, nah let's just call him Woody. Nah dat won't work either."

After a few moments Sharpton said that what he be meaning to say is dat Tiger was not driving off at 2:45 in da morning to be with some other woman.

"Hell da boy, I means to say Mr. Woods, he was in his pajamas for goodness sakes. Now you tell me, what man drives off in his pajamas to meets some damn foxy-looking woman? No man. Not even dem white skirt chasing Carolina boys Edwards and Sanford. Not even dem. And dem boys sho nuff be some nervy silly ass crackers and dats what I be's sayin' ah huh."

Reverend Sharpton said that he has spoken to Tiger Wood's attorney Alvin McFlannel and he told him that he will be offering his assistance in any way, shape, or form to help him get Tiger out of this awful honky-generated mess.

Alvin McFlannel was reached by phone and asked if he will in fact be asking Reverend Al Sharpton for any legal advice.

McFlannel started laughing so hard he actually dropped the phone. When he picked it up, he said for the reverend not to hold his breath because he would not even ask Rev. Sharpton for a recipe to make chicken jello much less advice on how to get his client out this horrendous mess.

He went on to say that in California lawyer circles Sharpton is looked upon as the black Paris Hilton, but only with curlier hair, a deeper voice, and larger tits.

In a related story. Paris Hilton told Internet blogger Perez Hilton that she has never dated Tiger Woods. She smiled, stroked her blonde mane, and said that she does not like golfers because she prefers athlete's who play with bigger balls.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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