Crybaby Prisoner Barnie Madoff Claims His Tail Hurts

Funny story written by Bureau

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

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You wouldn't think it seeing him only one year ago but Criminal #15454 in a North Carolina prison is a totally different person than the one spending other people's money like it was his own.

This reporter was allowed inside five locked gates only at the request of the Crybaby and it was sickening.

"My tail hurts! My tail hurts!"

Well, I told him to sit down and quit crying if he wanted to get his message out to the American people.

"I CAN'T Sit! I got hemorrhoids long as my thumb! I can't sit! Waaaaah!!"

Okay, I told the blubbering mess that he could cry till he snubbed and hiccupped and I would wait.

Gradually, the mystery prisoner who asked that his name not be given and who we will call Barnie Madoff began talking.

"I have to smuggle bacon grease or butter out of the kitchen where I volunteer. If not for that, I'd split wide open!"

Noticing that he talked differently than he once did on TV I asked him about it.

"It's like I've turned into Truman Capote overnight. I never used to talk like thissss. It's all those things they have you uh eat. Oh, I DO, I sound estxactly like Truman Capote! "

"Waaaaaaaaaaaah! Snub snub (fart) Ow! hiccup. (fart, fart) Owwwl!"

I finally asked him what he wanted to tell everyone?

Be Goooood! hiccup! Be good people or like me, like Marley's ghost. Only you'll be dragging around your hemorrhoids instead of chains. It's almost Christmas. Bee Goood! Tell Tiny Tim I'm sorry I took all his money. Waaaaah!"

So I left. Guess that was the message.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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