Written by Bureau

Thursday, 5 November 2009

image for Former Bill Clinton Aide Can't Get A Date

Betty Salas, a former aide to President Bill Clinton, claims that she can't get a date because of working alongside Monica Lewinsky, and blames both for her problem.

"Just because everyone knew that I too was starry-eyed over the President, I didn't do what Monica apparently did", stated Salas to this reporter. "But here I have this bad reputation and then my dog had to turn on me."

She went ahead and described how she, Monica and several aides were in love with the former president but that she "wouldn't risk the wrath of Hillary for anything".

"Besides I knew that he flirted with women all the time. I don't think he can help himself. Didn't he go to a rehab for sex addition? I heard that on the radio once."

And the dog?

"I let my dachshund, Bill, lick my face all the time. He's very affectionate and a girl can dream can't she? Anyway, I had been up at a White House party until 3AM and was dead on my feet. I took several aspirin for a headache, then a sinus tab and it knocked me up...out cold!"

"The next morning, "Bill" had not only licked my face but bit off part of my upper lip."

Salas then went on to describe her ordeal in the hospital and that they finally had to cut a piece of her butt cheek and use it to redo her upper lip.

"Now I have this reputation with the former president AND the still scarred lip. The only guy who's kissed me finally admitted that he was an ass freak."

So that's this reporter's story. I could have told her that no one likes or really wants to be an "ass kisser" but she seemed like she COULD take on Hillary by now, so I got my story and left.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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