Popular crooner Sir Elton John has announced a new Gay Condolence Service aimed at people with Gay friends or relatives that have passed away.
For a mere $500 you can have a headline "Elton Devastated At John Smith's death" published in the Tabloid of your choice.
For an extra $5000 you can have a front page headline and photograph of a suitably greif stricken Sir Elton.
Punters with $20,000 to burn who wish to impress their friends can have Elton's partner David Furnish actually attend the funeral.
And for people who really want the icing on the cake they can get Sir Elton himself for a cool $100,000.
Sir Elton's agent Phil McCavity explained that there is a huge demand for Elton's services around the world.
