A full scale search was mounted by police yesterday following a report that broadcaster, journalist and self-obsessed lunatic Jeremy Clarkson had gone missing whilst filming a new series of motoring programme, 'Top Drear'.
Half a dozen motoring aficianados and Waterstones bookstore were concerned when initial reports had suggested that a massive, bottomless chasm had opened up right in front of the much-loved crackpot, swallowing him whole. These reports proved to be false, however, once it had been confirmed by fellow Top Drear presenter and fawning idiot Richard Hammond-Organ that Clarkson had, unbelievably, had his mouth shut at the time, and therefore could not possibly have swallowed himself.
Several hours later, the mystery was solved when the police finally decided to apply common sense to the search, and managed to find Clarkson where he normally was - a very long way up his own arse.
