Peter Gabriel gig honours sacked paperboy in Chatham

Funny story written by matwil

Sunday, 26 July 2009

Peter Gabriel has paid tribute to sacked Chatham paperboy Nathaniel Easterhouse.

Gabriel was headlining the World And Naive Kentish Addledbrains (WANKA) festival in a back garden in Ashford on Saturday night, when news of the sacking was brought to his attention. He dedicated his song 'Bilko', about the American anti-humour activist Phil Silvers, whose career died in dreadful propaganda films in the 1970s, to the newspaper deliverer.

Gabriel hopes to raise £100,000 for Feckless, which he co-founded last Thursday lunchtime, which helps glorify mass murderers such as the ANC in South Africa, and believes everything the Foreign Office tells him, and then sends money to the murderers in their 'fight for freedom', from the RSA to Chechnya.

And of course when Feckless hears of one public figurehead in these places dieing, it conveniently ignores the unsavoury killers that such figureheads really represent.

The singer told the crowd of 3 people in Ashtford that some people had accused Feckless of supporting and making songs about - and sending money to - organisations and people that were simply fronts for gangsters and terrorists, such as the ANC, and that Feckless was being used to con naive music lovers into handing over their cash to arm such killers. But Gabriel then took out an old photograph of Nathaniel Easterhouse, and biting into an Afrikaaner free-trade aanjjiaan began singing:

'July '09, Kentish coast weather fine
It was business as usual
People waking, papers on mats
With their toast and their muesli
Oh Natto, Natto, because Natto
Oh Natto, Natto, because Natto
Put the Express through the wrong door - the boy is sacked

When I eat my eggs at breakfast
I can only dream in black and white
And read all over, and the back page sports stuff
Page 3 when the wife's out at night
Oh Natto, Natto, because Natto
Oh Natto, Natto, because Natto
The git mixed up Nos. 19 and 91 - the boy is sacked

You can fill out The Daily Mail quick crossword
But not if it's lying on your neighbour's floor
Once the complaints to the newsagent get going
The idiot paperboy's the first to go
Oh Natto, Natto, because Natto
Oh Natto, Natto, because Natto - the boy is sacked

And the News of the World is
Being delivered now, being delivered now'

All proceeds from the WANKA festival will be sent to various Cuban and American arms manufacturers, after singers like Peter Gabriel have had their backhanders paid to them for publicising ridiculous 'causes', of course.

Next year Feckless will dedicate festivals and songs to the late Provisional IRA gunman and hunger striker Bobby Sands's gardener, whose life was tragically cut short when he was bitten by a passing venomous viper in County Fermanagh. Songs blaming the British for the accident of nature and raising funds for the IRA are already being written by Peter Gabriel.

'There's no part of the world safe from Feckless', he said, 'making criminals and gunmen into heroes, and sending them money. Wonder if a song about Charles Manson or The Red Brigades would get in the charts? Where's my pen ...'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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