Amy's Just Not Civil!

Funny story written by smurfette

Friday, 24 July 2009

image for Amy's Just Not Civil!
Amy Winehouse, snapping at photographers, fans and ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil

LONDON Tiny tattooed and pierced circus freak cum music sensation Amy Winehouse was acquitted today at London's City of Westminster Magistrates' Court of charges of assault against fan Sherene Flash, who had merely asked to be photographed with the drug addled star.

Winehouse has quite a history of substance abuse, assault and mental health issues. In various interviews, she has admitted to having problems with self-harm, depression and eating disorders.

She married on-off boyfriend Blake Fielder-Civil, a former video production assistant, on May 18, 2007, in Miami, Florida. In a June 2007 interview, Winehouse admitted she could be violent towards Fielder-Civil when she had been drinking. Winehouse and Fielder-Civil were granted a divorce on July 16, 2009, which will become final on August 28. Fielder-Civil filed for divorce earlier in this year on the grounds of infidelity; Winehouse did not contest the divorce.

On December 2, 2007, images of the singer outside her home in the early morning hours, barefoot and wearing only a bra and jeans, appeared on the internet and in tabloid newspapers.

On April 26, 2008, Winehouse was cautioned after she admitted to police she slapped a man in the face: a "common assault" offense. The incident, for which she has apologized, will stay on her record and could be used against her if she is charged with a similar offense at a future time. She voluntarily turned herself in and was held overnight. Police said, at her arrival she was "in no fit state" to be interviewed.

On March 5, 2009, Winehouse was arrested and charged with common assault following Flash's claim that Winehouse hit her in the eye at a September 2008 Prince's Trust charity ball. Flash testified that Winehouse "punched me forcefully in my right eye. She used a fist, her right one. I started crying with shock. I couldn't open my eye for a while." Winehouse testified that she did not punch Flash, but tried to push Flash away from her because she was scared of Flash. Winehouse cited her worry that Flash would sell her story to a tabloid, Flash's height advantage, and Flash's "rude" behavior as reasons for her fear of Flash. Winehouse claimed that at "5 foot 2 1/2 or 5 foot 3" and wearing ballet pumps, she was too short to have hit the woman in the face. Flash is 5 foot 7 inches tall and was wearing heels.

Apparently Winehouse had no problem reaching her husband to pummel him repeatedly or the gentleman she previously assaulted in 2008.

Winehouse is currently sought for questioning in the June 25 death of the King of Pop Michael Jackson's death, given her heavy drug use and easy access to all manner of drugs, both legal and illegal.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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