Susan Boyle the favourite to win Britain's Got Talent was said to have shocked members of the public by effin and blindin' after Piers Morgan said "Shaheen you are the best singer in the whole wide world and then some".
Onlookers who actually don't exist as the story is in fact a complete fabrication by a tabloid journalist, were shocked and horrified as Susan held two fingers up to the screen and told Piers 'to get f**ked, f*ck himself and to ram the program up his bum'.
One onlooker who cannot be named through non-existence said "Sue then spat at the TV and hurled it out of the window like the incredible hulk does, when he's angry".
Another shocked invisible onlooker said "She then broke a bottle of beer on the table and started brandishing it around and asking people to take her....she was a woman possesed".
On his arrival back to the hotel Shaheen Jafargholi 12 years and 6 minutes, rose to occasions by pointing a metre of lead pipe at the Scottish Songstress.
Another onlooker said " It was a battle of the Celts - Scots against the Welsh. Sue with her broken bottle and Shaheen with his lead pipe. After two hours of vicious wrestling, the pair both collapsed. Hollie Steel who was adjudicating in her pink tu-tu declared the street-fight-death match a tie. Then she danced badly into the bar for a rum and coke".
An inside source said "Su Bo apologised to Shaheen for her potty mouth and promised not to swear again".
Unrepentant was the journalist who made up the story for fear of being fired and joining Britain's mass unemployment lines.
Stuart Fibberliealot said "I had an empty page to fill and no headline, what could I do? I am too young, well educated and pretty to join the dole queue. The thought of signing on, watching day time TV and buying own brand supermarket food fills me with dread. People think it must be fun being a tabloid journalist, but I tell you it is hard making up stories and being paid handsomely for the privilege- it really is!"
