Ann Coulter Moved To Orgasm By Susan Boyle Performance, Says Oprah

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

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Will this soften the edges of the ruthless Republican rabble rouser? Oprah is skeptical.

NEW YORK, NY - Ann Coulter revealed to Oprah Winfrey today that, upon seeing Susan Boyle's performance, she had been "moved to orgasm." It was reportedly her first.

Just before lunch time, producers of Oprah Winfrey's show received a call from someone wishing to speak with the First Lady of Television herself. The caller was Ann Coulter, a popular standup comedienne on the Republican talk show circuit whose controversial routine has often been compared to lies, misinformation, and misanthropic sociopathy. Oprah reportedly asked, "Isn't that the crazy blonde b*tch?" when told Coulter was asking for her.

"It's definitely not what I was expecting," Oprah said as she adjusted her crown. Coulter apparently went on to explain to the reigning Queen of Media that, when she finally watched Boyle's performance on EweTube to see what all the buzz was about, she was "moved to orgasm," and now she wants to appear on Oprah. She says she's a new woman.

"I've got to say, I'm a little skeptical," said Oprah, shifting in her throne. "It's like, one of them opens her mouth, and the sound of an angel fills the room, then the other one opens her mouth, and you think you're hearing the voice of Satan himself channeled through some anorexic bimbo. Off the record," said Oprah candidly, "I'd have been much happier knowing Ms. Boyle had her first orgasm before that #$@%&!!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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