Written by Vondrook

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

After months of searching, the body of Ricky Baxterman was finally found deep in the backstage annals of the 'Maury Show' studio.

Baxterman, 32, was a guest on the show back on September 5th, 2008, where his wife of 8 years had a secret to tell him. In front of a live studio audience, she told Ricky that she had been unfaithful to him on a number of occasions, but that it "was an accident." Upon hearing the news, Ricky began to sob and ran off the stage. His wife, Loretta, remained in front of the audience, while Maury Povich went searching for Ricky to coax him out of his burrowing hole of shame.

"It's typical, if not expected for one of my guests to run off stage," said Povich to reporters. "There's only so much humiliation you can face in front of so many people until you have to hide."

After Ricky was found in the hallway near the green room, Maury rubbed his back and told him that there was more information that Loretta needed to tell him, and Ricky came back on stage to an enthused audience, commending his bravery.

Ricky was devastated once again when Loretta told him that 3 out of their 5 children may not be his, and he made a quick dash backstage once again, never to be found until months later.

Cameraman Paul Talibu commented on Ricky's god-like speed. "I've never seen someone run so fast in all my life. As 'Maury Show' cameramen, we are more trained than 'COPS' cameramen to follow our guests backstage to capture all the live emotion we can, and we make sure they don't travel too far, cause it can get kind of dicey back there."

But Ricky was too fast for the cameraman on that fateful late summer day, and he barreled through the security doors and into an area known simply as, "The Gauntlet."

Forensic scientists made a quick assessment on Ricky's remains and deduced that although he survived the flying guillotines, he did not however, make it past the swinging medieval mace balls, and took a blow to the head, where he suffered in agony for 8 days while leaking head-blood. He tried to survive on rat corpses, but the blood loss was too great, and he died a painful, humiliating death.

'Maury Show' producers will not change the show's format however, and only promise to make the backstage area as aesthetically pleasing as the front stage, in hopes that future guests will hesitate in running as far away as Ricky did. They are planning on lining the hallways with comfortable couches and throw-pillows where devastated guests can find a restful place to sob and grieve in their time of shock.

Loretta's three children in question did not turn out to be Ricky's, and she is planning a reappearance on 'Maury' to find the actual fathers, no matter how many men must be tested.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: TV, Chat Show

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