"It was like the shot heard 'round the world. Everyone in my generation will remember where they were when they heard that Jesse and Jessica broke up. It's so sad. Worse than when Andrew and Jen split up and then she took up with that Bill guy from 'the Apprentice'," A 30 year old woman said from her home today. She was heavily sedated.
It is indeed true, folks. Jesse Palmer and Jessica Bowlin, those two crazy and up until yesterday, in love, kids from this past Bachelor season, have broken up.
"Oh, they said all the usual publicist type crap that it was mutual and they just decided to go their separate ways, yada yada. But here's the truth. They broke up because they kept getting confused. When someone would call out "Jess", they never knew if it was for Jesse or Jessica."
" That kind of pressure can take a toll on a relationship," the hot dog vendor on the same corner as Jesse's New York apartment said today. He was crying as he told me but I think that had more to do with the extra onions I ordered on my hot dog than his sadness over the termination of the relationship.
A friend of the couple told me, off the record, of course, that there was an even bigger reason for the bust-up.
"He was doggin' her out, yo. I mean, catch this. He still acted like he was on the Bachelor. He kept dating like 15 girls at a time. Poor Jessica never knew who he'd hit on next. The final straw came when he asked her mother out for a drink, just to kick it yo. And she went. That was like some Jerry Springer, shit, and Jessica is completely intelligent and a law student and she couldn't continue to be involved in stuff like this. It was whack."
Whatever the reason, the world will surely mourn this great tabloid loss. Where is a new J. Lo wedding when you need it?
