Britney to Wed

Funny story written by markedman

Thursday, 17 June 2004

Britney Spears' publicist confirmed that the pop tart has found true love and will marry Cory LaRusso, a 19-year-old cook at the new McDonald's in Moline, Ill.
"Cory completes her," the publicist explained. "That quickie marriage in Vegas, the fling with the dancer, all of that was a prelude to The Real Thing."
Cory, who's been working at McDonald's since it opened last November, refused to comment. However, co-workers said they're not surprised.
"Cory's got a way with women," said James Bentley, a cashier. "It's like, whenever the managers say we need to push the super size, everybody knows Cory's the go-to guy with the ladies. They'll put him on the cashier, and, like, the girls will order anything he says, even the apple pies. He's got this karma thing, like."
Britney and Cory first met around Christmas, when Britney was at a benefit in Chicago. Cory saw her leaving the building and begged her to sign his skateboard shop discount card, the only paper he had in his pocket.
"Britney felt the attraction immediately," the publicist said. "She saw her own soul in his eyes. She literally was moved to tears."
Two days later, unable to sleep, Britney phoned longtime pal Jason Alexander and poured her heart out to him.
"Jason took advantage of the situation," the publicist said. "He told her to call him 'Cory," and she fell into the moment."
When the singer realized that Jason couldn't fill that deep place in her heart, she asked for the marriage annulment. Dancer Kevin Federline was next, but that didn't last, either.
Sources say Britney hired a private detective firm, which tracked Cory down at work in Moline. He was changing the fry grease when Britney's henchmen, all wearing black, stormed the restaurant, turning over the garbage cans and causing several children to cry.
"It was scary," one co-worker said. "Cory didn't know what it was about. They grabbed him and threw him in the back of an SUV, and we didn't see him for three days."
The publicist said no firm date has been set for the wedding, and Cory is trying to talk his manager into getting some time off next month, or maybe switching shifts with the new guy who works in the back.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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