Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

image for Strictly Come Dancing Judge Arlene Phillips To Be Axed For Being Hideously Ugly
Phillips prepares to go out

Arlene Phillips, the Strictly Come Dancing judgess, is at the centre of a new controversy tonight, after it was revealed she has been suspended from the show whilst an investigation into her ugliness has been carried out.

Arlene, a Manchester Queen in the Lynn Perrie mould, regularly startles dancers with her repulsive looks, especially after a gruelling tango, and show host Bruce Forsyth has told the Strictly producers she has to go.

Arlene was also one of the main players in the ousting of viewers favourite John Sergeant, and her rugged facia may have had its lot on the BBC.

A choreographer of numerous West End and Broadway musicals, Phillips once put a man in a coma with her stare, and regularly goes out shopping with a brown paper bag or a chefs hat over her head to avoid causing serious injury to innocent passers-by with her gruesome looks.

Children are very much at risk.

BBC executives have not named any potential successor, but one name on everyone's lips appears to be Sharon Osbourne.

Head judge Len Goodman said:

"She'd be great! At least she ain't got a face like a welder's bench, like Arlene 'as!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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