Written by Mr. Staypuf

Friday, 14 November 2008

image for William Shatner Admits "Man-Crush" on George Takei
Uhura's Boobs, Model for The Death Star?

After months of trading insults with George Takei over a perceived wedding snub, William Shatner has invited Takei to be on his new show, "Shatner's Raw Nerve". However, it is apparently not to keep the feud going, but to admit Shatner's long-standing man-crush on the former Star Trek cast member.

"This has gone on too long," Shatner told journalists while being interviewed for his up-coming show. "I have to reveal my true feelings for George." According to Shatner, he has long wanted to get closer to Takei, but has been relentlessly shunned.

"Everybody thought it was Nimoy and me playing Brokeback Mountain in space, but it was really Takei that made my uniform stand up and salute." Once when passing George in the hall, Takei reportedly asked him, "Is that a planet-killer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" That's when I realized: "He likes me! He really, really likes me!" Shatner referred to an episode where Takei was primarily shirt-less and sweaty as one of the most agonizing weeks of his life.

"I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep thinking of that sexy space samurai just out of my reach." If Shatner had had his way, the kiss between him and Uhura that blacked-out the south would have been Kirk and Sulu. "I even suggested it to Gene. Imagine the social impact that would have had," Shatner mused. But Roddenberry adamantly refused to infuse any hint of same-sex coupling into his ground-breaking series, remarking, "Hey, it's the 60's, not the 70's, you moron! Now, put your pants back on!"

Leonard Nimoy confirms Shatner's long-standing desire to get together with Takei and "bury the hatchet." However, Nimoy suggests that Shatner doesn't fully understand the concept of "man-crush".

"Bill is a little confused about the term," Nimoy chuckled." There's man-crush, then there's gay. Sometimes, I think the weight of Bill's massive ego in the 60's completely cut off the blood flow to his brain," Nimoy said, his finger making little circles to the side of his head as a cuckoo clock went off in the background.

"He's got a raw nerve alright...and it's in his pants," he added, just before striking a gong. "If Bill really wanted to go where no man has gone before, he wouldn't want George!" Nimoy punctuated the remark with a snare drum and cymbal crash.

Nichelle Nichols confessed she suspected Shatner of having a crush on Takei early in the first season, when in her dressing room, she shoved her bountiful breasts into his face and asked him, "Do you know what to do with these?" Reportedly, Shatner replied, "No, but put three holes in each one of them and George and I can go bowling." Of course, when Takei was asked about the latest revelations stemming from his and Shatner's feud, he simply raised his eye-brows and exclaimed, "Oh my!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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