Written by NickFun

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

image for Heather Locklear still hot despite depression
This woman is hot but not as hot as Heather Locklear

Doctors treating TV vixen Heather Locklear say she is still incredibly sexy and hot despite being hospitalized in an Arizona facility for anxiety and depression.

"I would never believe she was depressed if she didn't tell me", said Dr. Jonas Weizel, 39, one of the psychiatrists treating Locklear. "And she's 46 years old? Get out of here!"

Weizel says Locklear is amazingly hot and he would "do her in a New York minute" if he could.

"I could see myself in a long term relationship with her", Dr. Weizel continued. "I would be pampering her hand and foot. I'd take her to ball games, the theater, society functions and even the opera if that's what she wanted. Then I'd make mad, passionate love to her every night and every day. That should lift her depression pretty quickly".

Many of the other doctors, nurses and other employees at the facility also expressed amazement at Locklear's stunning sexuality.

"I'm no lezzy but I'd love to hit the sack with her", said facility nursing director Donna Pritchard in reference to the former Melrose Place star. "That's the first time I ever felt that way about a woman".

"Nice legs and breasts", said Jose Canesco, a hospital orderly. "I like to squeeze them very much".

Some of the patients in the mental facility were not as enthusiastic about the new patient.

"She's possessed by the devil!" screamed a psychotic former Catholic priest known only as Father Dan. "She's Beelzebub! She will destroy us all!".

Doctors managed to restrain the reverend before he could attack any of the patients or staff.

Doctors hope to soon have Ms Locklear on the proper medications and treatments.

"I hope I get to be the one to treat her", said Dr. Weizel.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
50 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more