Coldplay's songs are not 'all the same'

Funny story written by matwil

Friday, 20 June 2008

image for Coldplay's songs are not 'all the same'
Coldplay's first single, from 1938

Coldplay's lead singer, Chris Martin, today claimed that their songs are not all the same.

'They aren't all exactly the same', he said. 'OK, they're a bit similar - well, they're very similar, in fact they're all so similar a purist would say that they're completely and utterly identical, tune after tune, album after album, year after year. But who cares? I got to marry an actress babe out of it, so yah boo to you!'

And his wife, slimmer-of-the-year Gwynneth Paltrow, said: 'Hey, my films are all the same, sure, they're all diabolically bad, but Chris's songs are all diabolically different. Each song has that unique bleating, high-pitched singing, with those jangly guitars that make morning sickness seem like a laugh a minute. But no way are they just the same old song, repeated to death like a Hillary Clinton speech.'

Coldplay became the 33rd British band to top the American Billboard 100, with their single 'Yup, Same Again, Guys', a follow-up to their smash hits 'Sound Familiar To You?' and 'Here's One We Made Earlier', and this follows a tradition of English musicians never sounding the same for 2 songs running, such as the Bee Gees and the Dave Clark Five.

American singer and songwriter Barry Manilow said: 'Every song I've written sounds the same, just like Neil Diamond's do, but Coldplay are so eclectic it's unbelievable. No way have they stuck to the same tired old formula for years, I look forward to their next album of jazz and folk songs immensely.' And legendary bore Sir Paul McCartney added: 'You can say what you like about John Lennon, at least his songs were all in different styles - unlike mine.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart took poison today, to avoid listening to yet another bland, cliched chart-filler at the top of the Billboard 100.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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