Musician Breaks New Ground

Funny story written by Panndyra

Wednesday, 12 May 2004

image for Musician Breaks New Ground
Can Joaquin Hang with the Hung?

Joaquin, a native of East Rutherford, RI, has blasted on to the scene with his experimental new album entitled Silence.

"Yeah, I was just tired of the same old crap on the radio. I grew up in the 90s, man, when grunge ruled. Cobain and all those other mofos broke new ground. I was inspired by them to fight the manufactured pop of today. So, I just did nothing for 60 minutes and recorded that." He said and took a deep drag of his cigarrette.

"Dude, I was gonna be so slick and name the album, Seinfeld because it's about nothing, right, but I just thought that people wouldn't get it, as Vedder used to say. That's Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam."

Advanced reviews have been mixed:

  • "Not since Yanni or John Tesh has a musician found a way to bore us so completely." --- Stagnant Rock magazine.
  • "Joaquin's music is in the silence if you listen hard enough. I call it a masterpiece."--- Journalia Integridatus, a deaf journalist.
  • "What a piece of crap! I want my $60.00 back!" ---Courtney Love
  • "I think this album hits upon a fundamental need for humans. The need for silence. It's f***in brilliant!"--- Bono, of U2 Fame.
  • "Wow! I wish I'd have thought of that gimmick years ago! Of course, I still have the tantra thing" Sting
  • "I am so disillusioned with the whole music business now. I thought musicians were artists. I'm shocked and appalled." ---William Hung.


Despite the reviews, Joaquin has sold 666,666 copies of the CD in the first week alone. Although pleased with his success, he is not complacent.

"Nah, man. I've got no time to rest. I am getting ready for my follow-up CD. It's called Dog Whistles. My neighbor's doberman pinscher goes nuts over the first track, which I call Fire Hydrant's Folly. It's gonna be off da hook."

Keep your ears tuned to the radio for tracks from Joaquin's debut CD and look for tour dates at a sound proof stadium near you.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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