American Idol Contestants Paid Not to Play Music

Funny story written by drugtestallpoliticians

Saturday, 1 March 2008

image for American Idol Contestants Paid Not to Play Music
Here's 100 bucks. Now go home, kid

Hollywood, California (IPP) - A team working on a television special about American Idol contestants recently discovered that most of these people are making big money for not performing. The contestants land gigs that pay good money but once they play their first night they are asked not to come back and are paid for staying home.

The television special team's lead member told reporters that these former contestants and even the current ones have minimal talent. He also stated that Americans have terrible taste in music.

One example of American's terrible taste in music is how they do not like nor comprehend jazz and prefer simpler forms of music like pop music. Jazz is the root of rock and roll and other forms of modern American music.

Rock music consists mostly of the first, fourth, and fifth chords in the key that a rock song is played in. These are known as one-four-five chord progression. It takes a simple mind to understand and enjoy this type of music. Rock songs also sound exactly the same each time they are played.

Jazz is made up of much more complicated chord progressions and chord structures. Jazz music is written in a form where the notes are not actually written down and instead chord charts are used. The jazz musician uses a technique called improvisation. Improvisation is actually spontaneous creativity whereas playing rock is done by rote which is a repetition by memory or the lowest form of skill as it applies to music. It has been proven that there is a definite link between mathematical concepts and music. Americans are terrible when it comes to math and science.

It is a sad fact of American cultural life that the lowest jazz musician has more talent in his pinky finger than the most talented rock musician has in his whole body. Jazz is art whereas rock is commercial drivel. To make things worse most rock stations play the same twenty worn out rock songs over and over again and thus appeal to the lowest common denominator.

The contestants of American Idol represent the bottom of the rock and roll and pop music barrel. They go on stage in front of millions of fans and play washed out songs from the lowest forms of all musical genres. These talentless dolts must resort to grotesque forms rather than to meaningful content. They employ teeny bopper shills who sit in the front row and shed tears or pee in their panties while mesmorized by the talentless dolts standing on stage.

The American Idol fans can tell you who Sanjaya is but are clueless as to who the great musicians really are. Musicians like Coltrane, Hancock, Getz, Ellington, Parker, Fitzgerald, and many others who played the best music but got the least credit. You can thank America's radio stations and their taste for commercial trash music culture for steering everyone in the wrong direction.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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