Reports today surfaced in a graveyard from an underground news source that the top earning dead celebrities of last year were not ready to die and were planning to make a come back.
Dead celebrities topping the list were the incessantly gyrating dead man with the blue suede shoes, Elvis Pressley, John Lennon, Charles Schultz, George Harrison, Albert Einstein, Andy Warhol, Dr. Suess, TuPac Shamir, Marylyn Monroe, Steve McQueen, James Brown, Bob Marley and James Dean.
Speculation as to why they wanted to stage a comeback was uncertain, but sources say that each celebrity had their own reasons. Speculation is as follows:
Elvis Pressley was tired of having his blue suede shoes stepped on by strangers and like TuPac Shamir and James Brown just couldn't stay still that long.
John Lennon and George Harrison, speculators say, are traveling together and were just "checking in" to earth to see about getting more song material to take back with them to and work on. It was also speculated that they might want to find a couple of young women to remind themselves what it's like to make love again.
Albert Einstein it was speculated that he just wanted to have a conversation with Stephen Hawking and burn all the work that he did on atoms.
Marylyn Monroe wanted to check out the latest issue of Playboy to see if the styles have changed since she was a playmate back in the 50's.
Dr. Suess just wanted to smoke pot with Bob Marley and write some more children's stories, "One fish, two fish, three fish, blue fish…"
Bob Marley wanted to smoke pot with Dr. Suess and then harass the United States government for being in a war and spending so much money on weapons of mass destruction instead of pot.
James Dean and Steve McQueen wanted to come back and ride Harley's across the country, stopping to hang out in parking lots along the way and check out new car and motorcycle models. They also wanted to see a NASCAR race.
Charles Schultz wanted to draw cartoons and caricatures of US government officials and create a new series called, "Nuts."
And finally, Andy Warhol wanted to come back and redesign the Campbell's soup label to include all natural ingredients.