Hayden Panettiere Fails To Rescue Tiny Baby Dolphin From Japanese Whalers

Funny story written by carina-eta

Thursday, 1 November 2007

image for Hayden Panettiere Fails To Rescue Tiny Baby Dolphin From Japanese Whalers
Pride of Dolphins Savages Hayden's Face

Heroes starlet Hayden Panettiere has been involved in a violent confrontation with adult dolphins as she struggled to save a baby dolphin, also known as a "sprat" or "roe", from Japanese fishermen.

The petite blonde 18-year-old actress, tearfully related how she paddled out on a surfboard in an attempt to reach a group of dolphins, also known as a "rabble" or "pride", to stop them being driven into a nearby cove and killed.

"I saw this cute baby dolphin, no bigger than a stickleback, just begging me with his eyes to live and I had to help" sobbed Panettiere,"but the other surfers around me just didn't have the special powers I needed."

During the confrontation Panettiere was beaten with boathooks, drowned and torn apart then consumed by the pride of adult dolphins, but thanks to her own special powers emerged intact, but shaken, from the water.

The baby dolphin, also known as a "minnow" or "whitebait", was later slaughtered by the group of Japanese fisherman, also known as "murderers" and sent to the actress as fishfingers as a "gracious invitation to enjoy tasty ancient Japanese cultural heritage".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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