Hollywood, California -- A group of Hollywood heavy weights, on behalf of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, traveled to a remote, albeit undisclosed location this past week in order to verify rumors of an ancient movie existing on a cave wall. "Ma -- Marvelous!" exclaimed one of the influential moviegoers choking on popcorn. Others agreed, "There is no doubt that this picture ought to be placed in the running for an Oscar," stated a major producer whose work includes some of the most slick and pompous works available on dvd.
Archaeologists in charge of the remote site explain that when they first discovered the painting, "we thought it was concerning an ancient religious ritual of sorts," explained lead archaeologists, Dr. Willard Frank, "in fact, it had us stumped for close to 23 years."
It wasn't until one of the student volunteers returned to work from over the weekend that another hypothesis began to emerge. "Well, a team of about 6 or 7 workers walked in on him as he was just sitting there staring at that picture enjoying a box of M&M's and a soft drink," Dr. Frank says. "He just sort of appeared as though he was in a trance, like, and I hate to say it, but as if he were watching television or something."
What happened next surprised even Dr. Frank. "Next thing you know, others began taking their seats next to him in the cave," he explained, "it was very strange at the time. But when they began uttering gasps and giggles in unison, I realized then that something very special was occurring before my very eyes."
As far as Dr. Frank is aware, this may be the only example of Ancient fiction in existence. "If I'm not mistaken, every other painting in the world that's been discovered is either a dedication to the Gods, or else a truthful explanation of historical events. That's what makes this particular find so special: it's entertainment -- it's just a movie," he went on to explain.
Back at the Academy, efforts are currently underway to create yet a new Oscar category for this new discovery. "Preliminarily, we've considered suggestions that range from 'Best Ancient Picture in a Cave', to 'Best All-Around Ancient Picture,'" notes one source. "However, 'Best Ancient Picture' seems to be taking prominence," she further acknowledged, "We'll see in '08!"
