Sesame Street - Scandal erupted throughout this idyllic urban neighborhood after it was revealed that the majority of Sesame Street's population, everyone from Grover to Telly, to His Majesty The Count, are nothing more than a bunch of crudely constructed puppets.
The true nature of the characters came out Tuesday when children visiting Sesame Street demanded to know why Oscar The Grouch never left his trash can and walked around. Kids also were curious to find out why Elmo's arms appeared to be manipulated by small sticks.
A child wanting to see Cookie Monster's back ran around behind him only to find a human adult had their arm shoved up Cookie Monster's backside. The Child believed the blue monster beloved by children everywhere was being sexually violated by an older man.
"That guy was touching Cookie Monster's no no spot, just like mommy told me never to do." said the child.
Parents everywhere are calling for answers.
"I thought I could trust my kids education with these magical vaguely felt looking creatures and now it comes out that their a bunch of sickos with their hands up puppet butts, how are my children supposed to learn division now? From me? I don't think so?" Said Eva Myers a outraged mother.
When asked for comment Burt and Ernie had this to say: "Today's allegations are brought to you by the letters M, Y, D, and B - short for Mind Your own Damn Business".