Survivorman Takes on the Elements

Funny story written by drugtestallpoliticians

Friday, 10 August 2007

image for Survivorman Takes on the Elements
No - not those elements!

Montreal, Canada (IP) - Tonight is the opening night for Les Stroud's Survivorman fall season. This show, along with Man Vs. Wild, have enjoyed phenomenal growth in their popularity this year and tonight's episode promises to be a good one.

Les takes on the elements with nothing but a good multi-tool, the clothes on his back and a few odds and ends left by his support team and the 60 pounds of camera equipment he uses to film himself during his week long adventures.

This week Les finds out first hand how tough the elements can really be. First of all Les himself will tell you that there is nothing periodic about the periodic table.

"Those elements are always there, yes siree Bob, and just because there are "X" number of known elements, well that doesn't take into account all of the yet-to-be-discovered elements which could pop out at you in the middle of nowhere" says Les.

He does, however start off with some of the light weights like hydrogen and helium. "You gotta be real careful with that darned hydrogen - light a match near that stuff and you'll go up in flames like the Hindenberg" . "Oops, I forgot, I ain't supposed to have no matches, ha ha, oh well." Then off he goes to deal with inert argon and the mighty krypton. "Krypton will zap you of all of your strength so I concocted a lead apron from the 82nd element (lead) to ward off its effects - its a great survival technique when dealing with the elements." Next was lithium, "this stuff is great- you just nibble a little of this and it makes you feel so much better".

Next he went on through the list with the delicate adroitness, agility, and dexterity of an alchemist until he reached gold and platinum. "Sorry but I'm going to have to turn off the cameras for a little while as I deal with this pile" he said as he began to go hog wild.

Unfortunately the show comes to an abrupt end right at about this point. Pieces of the film recovered later by search crews shows Les involved in a brawl with some old bearded prospecting mountain men. No one is quite sure where Les is but he will probably show up in time for next week's show seeing how good the ole boy is at survival techniques. If and when he shows up again then there is one thing we know for sure - next week he will be dealing with compounds.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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