Kookamanga, Belize (IP) - An investigative reporter has verified that Bear Gryll's adventures are indeed bona fide.
Dr. Livingston Von Finootch is a specialist in advanced surveillance techniques and he shares with us an amazing but true account of how he verified the authenticity of Bear's adventures without suffering detection himself.
Dr. Finootch donned a ghillie suit (a suit which makes one resemble a shrub) and began to follow Bear through the woods. The suit was so effective in the concealment of Dr. Finootch that at times he could actually maintain a distance of a mere footstep behind the star of our show.
Once Bear even reached back at the "bush" and cut off one of its many limb-like appendages to use as toilet paper.
Dr. Finootch winced as he recalled how that was one of his most difficult moments and was barely able to maintain his composure and almost blew his cover when he involuntarily tossed his cookies.
During another episode that was filmed in snow country Dr. Finootch pasted cotton balls all over his body and thus he was able to again maintain a very short distance between himself and his quarry. The cotton balls not only provided a fool proof means of camouflage, they also served to insulate Dr. Finootch from the frigid effects of the cold weather. By this means Dr. Finootch was again able to verify the authenticity of Bear's icy exploits in the wild.
During another episode Dr. Finootch located the only motel near the area that Bear would be operating in.
Dr. Finootch snuck into the only room that was available and disguised himself as a chair by draping cloth over himself and squatted down with his arms extended. After a week of assuming this difficult posture he ascertains that he never saw any signs of Bear and his crew. Unfortunately he experienced severe cramps in his arms and legs and will have to spend the next few months under a vigorous physical rehabilitation program and hopefully he will someday recover the full use of his arms and legs.