Hirst Diamond Skull Rumored to be that of Jeff Koons

Funny story written by Haydn Sique

Thursday, 14 June 2007

image for Hirst Diamond Skull Rumored to be that of Jeff Koons
Before receiving the Hirst treatment

Oddly enough, no one in the media asks whose skull it is, but the diamond-encrusted platinum-trimmed skull called an "art work" - and entitled "For the Love of God" so as to maintain its essential link with unmeaning cliche - is rumored to be that of Jeff Koons, a competitor who rankles just above Hirst on the list of 100 most important persons in the art world and hasn't been seen in the sewers of beauty lately.

Others say the skull is one of Hirst's old boyfriends-- but what is art if not suffering in silence, controversial and backbiting, cannibalistic? Life is pain and anguish anyway, we bleed, we suffer, we die, well duh, cancer is art too, Hirst has a series of cancer assemblages going like hotcakes, or spreading like tumors, through the rarefied air of prosthetic aesthetics...

"The art world is so anorexiobulemic, so vomitously hungry for overconsumption they'll devour anything, shit sculptures, tanks full of piss, you name it, all as though in the company of Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Van Gogh, the real greats, just get it out there so the wealthy can put blood, guts, bones, excretion, whatever's available, on their walls," says one embittered art-world discard. "Some rich guy at home without a life will mount the skull inyerface at folks having cocktails or at chicks on the sofa in front of the fireplace or something, causing people even shallower than the owner to at least act like they've been deceived into thinking 'Wow, what a bizarrely interesting individual the person who owns this diamond-encrusted skull must be.'" Bitter, bitter. It's almost as though they themselves become Hirst artworks: slabs of raw meat, excised tumors, zircon encrusted, hanging around inside museums.

No one has heard Jeff Koon's thoughts on it all, and still no one asks whose skull it is...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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