Hoff's home video shame

Funny story written by James Wallin

Friday, 4 May 2007

image for Hoff's home video shame
The Hoff is rarely seen in public without his corset and chest wig

Former Baywatch star and lederhosen king, David Hasselhoff, has been caught on camera by his 16-year-old daughter in shocking scenes of power-drunk, talentless mugging.

The 54-year-old is seen in the video wearing only chest hair and a fake tan, quoting at length from a shoebox full of fan letters and stroking a picture of himself in all his coiffured glory. In the background his daughter is heard urging the star not to google himself for the 614th time that day.

The tape was recorded approximately three months ago when "the Hoff" was appearing in the stage musical version of Weekend at Bernie's 3. The star is shown sitting on the floor of his Las Vegas hotel caressing an action figure of himself and quoting some of his favourite lines from Knight Rider, such as "Maybe I can help", "Are those mountains over there?", "I used to have some boots just like those" and the classic "Why aren't there any cup holders in this fucking thing?"

The voice of Hasselhoff's daughter, Raspberry-Ripple, is heard pleading with the star "promise you're not gonna go out for more hairspray tonight" and repeatedly asking him not to call her Kit.
Hasselhoff released a statement saying "I am a recovering gob-shite and unfortunately suffered a relapse some weeks ago. Because of my close and honest relationship with my daughter a video was made during my moment of weakness. I have seen the video and I now realise what an absolute tit I look. I am now back on my game and am hoping to get a reality TV series out of the incident."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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