Rosie O'Donnell Poses Nude

Written by Justin Thyme

Wednesday, 4 April 2007


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The Rosie O'Donnell Figurine Set For Release Next Month

(AP) New York, NY -- O'Donnell Figurine Hits Skeptical Market The 45 year old star of A League of Their Own, a day time talk show and most recently The View, has decided to shed her moo-moo and let it all hang out. O'Donnell posed nude for a spread in Playboy entitled Girls of the Big Ton. The adult magazine intended to "enlighten readers to the beauty of full figured gals," says Playboy spokesman Bill Farley. "We really wanted to take another approach considering that our readers may have grown tired of seeing perfect little asses, tight thighs and heaving jubblies," Farley continued, "how wrong we were."

In a public outrage over the spread, Playboy was forced to recall the magazine after only 30 seconds in circulation. "I was mortified," said Rod Harden, Playboy enthusiast and pervert, "I flipped through the pages while taking a dump and planned on rubbing one off when I finished. But what I saw was so horrific I will never be able to flip my sardine again."

The good news is all is not lost - at least for Rosie. "I'm not in the business of wasting stuff," O'Donnell told the millions of overweight, unmotivated, bon-bon eating housewives who watch The View, "I signed a deal to have those photos transformed into little sculptures that you can purchase on my website or in local art galleries." The figurines that sell for $29.95 are of Rosie in various poses intended for the pages of Playboy. "Each one is a limited edition collector's piece," she went on, "each one unique and when we reach our production limit of 50 million - that's it - no more, folks," O'Donnell concluded before a shocked Barbara Walters and a giggling Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

"Good for her," Bill Farley said when asked about his feelings of the deal, "normally we would retain the rights to all the pictures taken but in this case she or anyone else can have 'em. This is a situation we'd LOVE to forget as quickly as possible"

The release of the figurines, set for next month, has fallen on a skeptical public. 7 out of 10 people who were asked if they'd buy one said fuck no, 2 said they might be curious and a shocking 1 out of 10 said they would get one figurine of each pose and display them proudly in a case next to their bobble-heads.

If you are one of those people you can visit to order yours in advance of the public release.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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