(NOT EDITED) Hollywood, in a last desperate attempt to entertain corona-struck filmgoers, have decided to give Harrison Ford a final chance to leap out of his wheelchair, grab his whip, and go on a last Indiana Jones adventure.
There was a slight problem in deciding who should write the soundtrack because modern musicians just cannot relate to a 'Jurassic Jones!' Too much hippy-hopping they claimed. So, after listening to Sir Barry Gibb saying he would never do a 'Cliff Richard' and write a Christmas song, they asked him for the rights of ancient Bee Gee songs with a slight twist.
Hollywood filmmakers, after reading Jaggedone's infamous, provocative, on-the-edge spoofs, asked this ancient spoofer to revamp the titles of several Bee Gee mega-hits, so they could fit them into the movie. Rewriting the texts of Bee Gee songs was an impossible task for Jaggedone, too punky. So, he asked another Jurassic cult poet/musician to do it for him, Bob Dylan his name. Luckily, he was not too busy counting his $350 million bucks after flogging his soul to the Devil!
Here are the titles of this blockbuster soundtrack to be released in 2022, if Harrison, Sir Barry, and Bob are still 'Staying Alive!'
"New York Mining Disaster" will be: "New Indiana Diaper Disaster!"
"Massachusetts" will be: "Man, where are my false teeth?"
"I've gotta get a message to you" will be: "I forgot my message to you!"
"Words' will be: "No words, I forgot them too!"
"Jive Talkin" will be: "Jurassic Whipping!"
"Stayin' Alive" will be: "Dreaming of Stayin' Alive!"
"How deep is your love" will be: "At my age, not very deep!"
"Too Much Heaven" will be a rewritten Led Zeppelin classic: "I'm on my last stairway to heaven!"
"Tragedy" will be: "Tragedy" (Say's it all really asking 78-year-olds to whip the shit out their enemies)
"You Win Again" will be: "You never win again at 78!"
Sir Barry Gibb has approved the new titles. He will not sue Jaggedone for plagiarism, and has dedicated all royalties to JO's favourite charity:
"Save The Jurassic’s From Extinction!"