Glitter Queen Alison Acorn Expanding; Daiquiris To Be Sold At Drive-thru

Funny story written by King David

Sunday, 24 December 2006

image for Glitter Queen Alison Acorn Expanding; Daiquiris To Be Sold At Drive-thru
Glitter Queen, Alison Acorn Expanding Services

New Orleans transplant, Alison Acorn previously featured in The Spoof magazine in articles, "New Orleans Transplant Opens Glitter Works" and "'Jewish Snowflake' Wins Christmas Costume Contest," says that she will be expanding her glitter works to include drive-thru services where customers will be able to purchase bottles of her multi-colored glitter as well as frozen daiquiris.

Acorn, who moved to Durham from New Orleans in the spring, says that she misses the amenities of home and wants to bring a little bit of Big Easy charm to Durham.

"In New Orleans, we were used to just being able to pick up a few daiquiris at the drive-thru," said Acorn. "Alcohol and glitter was never far away."

Acorn says that she feels confident that this is the right thing to do. By adding the drive-thru and selling daiquiris, she hopes to spread the joy that was once hers on Bourbon Street and that her product will be even more accessible to busy customers in the Durham area.

"In New Orleans, glitter was not only an industry, it was a way of life," the glitter queen commented. "Durham is beginning to catch on to glitter."

According to research, it's not really known where glitter comes from. Some say that it was invented, at least in rudimentary form, by the Chinese and became known as "the dancing light." Others say that it was invented for use in the Kama Sutra as "magic dust" used to seduce potential lovers.

They say that after Marco Polo brought it to Europe, painter, Leonardo Da Vinci was reported to have refined its use in the 15th century in his frescos including, "The Last Supper." If one looks closely, Jesus appears to be wearing glitter sandals.

Others say that glitter was invented by a cow farmer in Bernardsville, New Jersey by the name of Leonard Ruschman. And still others say that glitter is made up of ground faeries processed in some fairy mill in New Jersey, or might be dried unicorn spunk.

Whatever the case, we do know that after the roaring twenties, glitter disappeared from public life and was replaced by the more pedestrian ticker tape and rice. The "floating fire" did not make it back into public life until the 1970's and the advent of John Travolta and disco. The "floating fairy" did not make it into public life until Elton John.

Acorn, in addition to being Durham's new glitter queen, is also founder of glitter organizations, Glitter Users Anonymous (GUA) and the Council for Responsible Glitter Use (CRGU). She is also responsible for the glitter revivalist movement currently sweeping the art community.

In other news today, a glitter orgy was reported to have taken place on the West coast.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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