New Orleans Transplant Opens Glitter Works

Funny story written by King David

Friday, 24 November 2006

image for New Orleans Transplant Opens Glitter Works
Silver is just so passé

DURHAM - New Orleans transplant, Alison Acorn opened a glitter factory last month in her new hometown of Durham. Acorn, 36, said that she was tired of having to use basic colors instead of the ones that she really wanted to use for her costumes, so she decided to open the factory.

Glitter, which normally comes from glitter trees, is now being manufactured synthetically because people want to be able to use it again.

"I'm tired of seeing residents of this town oppressed by the poor selection of glitter," she said. "I want to give them more options. Teals, mauves, earth tones and other shades should be offered as well." Generally, what's offered on the shelves of any grocery store is your basic red, green, gold and silver, hardly enough for what you really need said Acorn.

Acorn stands in a long line of industrialists who have set up businesses in Durham including Washington Duke, founder of the Not So Bright Leaf tobacco company and Puke University; Bull Durham tobacco which was Washington Duke's competitor; and the Do-It-For Buckwheat Self-Help Credit Union signifying African American contribution to the community and "Black Wall Street." Being in good company, she feels very hopeful about her decision.

Response has been good so far says Acorn, but she says that she would have to wait and see. "We need to get through the Christmas season to have a better picture if this thing is going to work," she told reporters.

Eye witnesses attest to Acorn's innovative nature and say that they have seen her stop and pick up branches on more than one occasion on the side of several Durham streets, supposedly trying them on as antlers for one of her deer costumes.

"Durham is just not used to this kind of innovation and creativity," said city councilman Bob Journeyman. "At this rate, Ms. Acorn will be up for citizen of the year."

Acorn says that she is waiting to free up more capital before she begins offering her services online, but is willing to start a "Glitter is Basic" movement in the South to call attention to glitter injustices perpetrated throughout the region.

"People just don't know the power of glitter," Acorn says. "It can transform our lives and believe me I've seen it happen."

"Being from New Orleans, Ms. Acorn, I'm sure that you've seen just about everything happen," a wiseass commented.

Acorn recently moved to the area after the Russian Hurricane, Ekaterina leveled her hometown earlier this year.

Reporters here wish Ms. Acorn the best.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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