Cliff Richard's official web site launched a desperate Christmas appeal today for, --believe it or not, mirrors.
Sir Cliff is currently hoping that his new Christmas song will get to be No 1 in the charts so that he will be the only singer to have a top hit in every decade since the 50's.
This stress is apparently causing the Peter Pan of the pop world to wear out an average of 120 mirrors a day because of his need to admire his youthful features 24/7.
Nobody can explain what physical forces come into play to cause the mirrors to wear out.
Most people have the same mirror for years and never experience a situation where the mirror needs to be replaced because it is worn out.
Professor Stephen Hawking, a top expert in theoretical physics, attempted to give an insight into the Quantum Mechanics that was causing Cliff's problems.
'The forces come from the extreme volume of the sex chemical called pheromone,' he stated.
'Cliff radiates so much,' the professor explained, 'that the mirror is unable to resist the beam of sex chemicals in a similar way that a powerful laser can cut through steel.'
Sir Cliff's Cockney house cleaner gave a more plausible explanation, however.
'I feel sorry for the little mite' she offered, 'His mummy and daddy never let him out of the house alone.'
'He did manage to escape once but those wonderful Community Support Babes that patrol out shopping malls brought him back and told his parents that a young child like him should not be out alone.'
'The final straw was when his parents had full length mirrors positioned at the outside doors,' she added.
'He was effectively held captive by the mirrors because he couldn't walk past them without pausing to admire his youthful looks and once he saw himself he was stuck there for all eternity'.
