WASHINGTON, DC - President-Elect Donald Trump will be producing two other reality TV shows besides "Celebrity Apprentice" and one of these will be a mainstay on Faux News.
Faux News, not to be confused with FOX News, is a supposed news channel that is filled with rabid, foul-tempered, snapping and snarling pundits who do nothing but berate the Democratic Party. Pure sophists and whores of rhetoric and jargon, the Faux News staff are mere Rush Limbaugh types who tell lies that bolster the Republican Party and diss the Democratic Party.
One of the pundits of Faux News, a tall, bald, white middle-age man, will be hosting I've Got Mine, So All You Suckers Can Go To Fucking Hell - And I Did It The Old Fashioned American Way - I Fucking Stole It All!!!
"It's not going to be a conflict of interest," a spokesman for President-Elect Trump told The Spoof via a personal, hidden tweet. "President-Elect Trump will be producing the show every night around 3 a.m., right before he starts his tweeting shtick. He'll use Go To Meeting Dot Com and some live, online, video venue to communicate with these contestants from either Trump Tower, the White House, or that sprawling dude ranch where he sometimes stays down in the Sunshine State."
"I can't say a lot about I've Got Mine, So All You Suckers Can Go To Fucking Hell - And I Did It The Old Fashioned American Way - I Fucking Stole It All!!! but I will tell you it will be a jam-packed cast of super-wealthy middle-aged white men, and the majority of them will be drafted right out of Fuckface Von Klownstick's cabinet."
"The show is intended to illustrate to wanna-be millionaires and billionaires how to rise to the top financially. It will cover every nook and cranny of cajoling and manipulating the American political and economic systems. it will also show the various nuances and fine arts of corporate raiding and how to send thousands of hard-working men and women into the unemployment lines and onto the welfare rolls while still looking like "a nice guy". It will also expertly show how lying like a crazy mutherfucker can get even the dumbest idiot way ahead in the corporate world," the spokesman told this reporter.
"Just for shits and giggles, one two-hour segment of this series will be entirely devoted to having these contestants let loose on a county fair somewhere. They will be instructed by the Grophenfuher himself just how to accost women who are strangers to them. These balding Caucasian men will try to manipulate the breasts and genitals of these unknowing women. The contestant who has the most victims to his credit at the end of this show will win a million bucks. The Gropenfuhrer has advised the winner to make a contribution to that particular contestant's favorite online pornographic venue," the spokesman, who refused to be identified, said.
"We're talking about a very different type of political leader. The Gropenfuhrer hasn't had a wink of sleep in the past year and a half. Sleeping is just a cop out, he thinks, and Fuckface Von Klownstick likes to stay wide-eyed awake every minute of every day and night. He told me once that if he was meant to sleep, he would have been born dead, like a cadaver," the spokesman said.
The other reality TV show the Trumpenfuher will be producing is tentatively named Thank God It's Monday!!! and will be a reality show set in a Right To Work State. The contestants will all be wealthy business owners with a sadistic side to their evil personalities. It will show the TV audience just how to get rid of employees they simply don't like.
"If you look at one of these employers the wrong way, hey partner - you're out the door and don't let it hit your ass when your carting your personal things out to your car after the big guy screams "You're fired!"
"It's meant to be a light-hearted comedy," the Trumpensteinian Gropenfuhrer's spokesman told this reporter. "It really is intended to be a very funny show. It will illustrate to a salivating TV audience just the right way for timid millionaires, along with novice small business owners, the correct way to fire people they simply do not care for - folks they have personality issues with.
"It could be the way the employee wears his mustache. It could be that the employee doesn't like the owner flirting with her because she's a very married woman. And it could be that the business owner doesn't like an employee because he's a better golfer. Whatever. Name a reason. It's all good. Hey, it's set in a Right to Work State, right? Anything goes!" the spokesman told this reporter.