John Wick II Is Coming

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 24 August 2015

image for John Wick II Is Coming
Might not be Keeano Reeves.

Knowing they have a hit on their hands with John Wick, John Wick II is presently in the delivery room. John Wick II opens with a Fed Ex mid-night delivery of a pet carrier. Unlike John Wick I, John Wick II remembers to return the delivery lady her pen, plants a one-minute thank you kiss on her mouth and proceeds to open a second letter from his deceased wife Helen Wick.

Voice over - "Knowing that you're an absent minded person due to your straight center part hairstyle, I'm betting that you forgot to set the house alarm and neglected to arm yourself with the bedroom sub-machine gun, and the Russian mafia paid you a mid-night visit because they wanted your Mustang and little Daisy is dead by now. Hence a second pet for you to raise named Lily who is a kitten and will presumably teach you to find love again, set the house alarm and remind you to sleep with your sub-machine gun."

John Wick center part goes zig-zag. "How the hell did she track me two months after she died?"

One of Keeano Reeves' more ambitious speaking lines in John Wick II.

Voice over - "I tracked you by using the Hubble telescope and shifting it into reverse, and charged the costs to your Amex Card. P.S. I didn't leave home without it."

Since the entire Russian mafia of the eastern seaboard was wiped out in John Wick I, this time the enemy is the Chinese mafia. The son of the head man of the Chinese mafia of the eastern seaboard spotted John Wicks nifty looking pizza oven on his patio and instead of giving the man the pizza oven, John Wick says, "The pizza oven is not for sale." Reeves' second speaking line.

Wick has a short memory, hell breaks out, Lily joins Daisy, Reeves' breaking the basement concrete, followed by strapping on his corset of protection, filled with firearms.

It's okay because the sequel to Something's Gotta Give, is called Something Finally Gave, and this time at the end of the film Keeano Reeves get's Diane Keaton.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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