Charlie Brown Issues In New Jazz Age

Written by King David

Thursday, 30 November 2006

image for Charlie Brown Issues In New Jazz Age
If these guys were any hotter they'd melt!

Piano teachers across America have reported a surge in the amount of children that are signing up for music lessons. Ever since the Charlie Brown Christmas Special aired for the 46th consecutive year last week, kids of all ages have been signing up for jazz piano lessons.

"Yes, definitely there's a direct relationship between The Charlie Brown Christmas Special and the dramatic increase in jazz piano lessons across the country," commented sociologist John Smith.

When asked what the appeal was to the Christmas special, the sociologist pointed to Charlie Brown's pianist friend, Schroeder, who, in the show, plays a scorching version of Beethoven's Fur Elise.

"It could be the fact that kids today have become more self-reliant and frequently have to entertain themselves for longer periods of time while their parents work, or go out for drinks. Schroeder is the epitome of the introspective, rugged individualist who accompanies himself. Extremely hip, he has the power to make dogs dance wildly, is loved by all the girls and doesn't have to say much, letting his actions and talent speak for him. He is the quintessential intellectual, "cool jazz" musician."

Musicologists, because of the piece's simplicity, speculated that Beethoven composed Fur Elise so that he could easily talk and play the piano simultaneously for the woman that he was trying to seduce at the time.

"Hey babe. How's it goin?...Dudududa Dudududa Dududa...You doin alright tonight?...Dudududa Dudududa Dududa...Let's get together later on."

Musicologists were unsure whether jazz got it's start from African drummer, Olatungi, or when a stoned blues musician by the name of Black Sunday back in the 1920's accidentally stacked his guitar chords to the 11th and 13th key range creating the more dissonant sound commonly associated with Jazz.

Since then, many versions have evolved including the Big Band sound out of New Orleans and Chicago Land Jazz, the more intellectual "cool jazz" or bebop sound from the 1950's, and jazz fusion such as Herbie Hancock, descendant to one of the original signers of the Declaration of Independence, Miles Davis and 70's boogie Earth, Wind and Fire.

Jazz artists melted before they had a chance to comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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