R Kelly on career high after child sex allegations

Funny story written by Igor

Thursday, 20 November 2003


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image for R Kelly on career high after child sex allegations
Bad Man

The latest sales figures for the UK album chart suggest R & B crooner R Kelly's new album: "Chocolate Factory" is actually selling better amidst allegations that R Kelly has slept with a minor.

Robert Kelly, 33, faces 21 counts of child pornography stemming from a video tape alleged to show footage of him sleeping with a minor.
The startling revelation today that his album sales have actually increased as a result of his alleged deviant behaviour illustrates a modern concept that sleeping with kids can seriously improve your career
Fans of Kelly insist that he has hurt no-one, where as the rest of the world find the increase in sales a confusing paradox of marketing publicity theory.
Kelly is not the first music star to face child pornography charges, both Pete Townsend and Gary Glitter have been shamed due to similar allegations and have suffered serious damage to there careers, to the point where Glitter will no longer set foot within Britain.

"There is a subtle difference between Kelly and Townsend or Glitter." said Seamus Carmichael from the Faculty of Deviance at the University of Sunderland, when explaining his controversial new theory. "Townsend and Glitter downloaded and stored images depicting children on there computers, Kelly actually slept with a minor, this, in the past has been shown to increase music sales. Take Wacko Jacko - in 1993 there were allegations that he slept with a kid, today he even admits to sleeping with children although he claims not to tamper with them, he has the best selling album of all time, Thriller."

Jacksons new single is expected to chart highly this weekend. The single: One More Chance was actually co-written by R Kelly, it is said that Kelly gave Jackson several marketting tips on how to ensure the single was a success.
Jackson was arrested Monday for sleeping with a child.

Carmichael explains that a growing tide of public resentment towards copyright violation is causing the public to turn against people who download and
store images without the owners permission. "See, Townsend and Glitter were in breach of copyright laws by downloading images from other peoples computers without permission from the person who actually took the pictures where as Kelly and Jackson are simply sleeping with kids and possibly video-taping it, this is in no way a breach of anyones copyright."

Kelly's last single - Ignition (remix) went to number 1 in the UK in summer at the height of the allegations, most purchasers of the record were horrified to hear of the videotape and R Kelly's behaviour but all refused to put the single back, claiming it was too catchy.

Sales of the single rocketed when a copy of R Kelly's videotape was released on the Internet.
R Kelly is said to be bringing legal action against anyone who distributes or downloads the tape without his permission.

Unprecedented success after child sex allegations is not confined merely to the music industry. Film-maker Roman Polanski hoped that his new film - The Pianist would be critically acclaimed after he slept with a child, he was unable to attend the Oscar ceremony as setting foot in the US would mean having to face charges of sex with a minor.
The Pianist won 3 Oscars including best picture.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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