Kristen Stewart Denies Cuddling With Tom Cruise

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 20 June 2013


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Kristen Stewart Denies Cuddling With Tom Cruise
Kristen says she remembers hand-feeding RPattz popcorn as the two watched reruns of Desperate Housewives.

BEVERLY HILLS - Kristen Stewart took time out from shopping on Rodeo Drive to respond to a claim regarding her and Katie Holmes' ex-husband Tom Cruise.

K-Stew talked to Voodoo Dupree with Glamboyant Magazine. It seems that one of the supermarket tabloids Just Saying had a story in their latest edition that purported that Stewart and Cruise had been spotted below the Santa Monica Pier and they were engaged in an extremely intimate cuddle.

The star of The Twilight Saga movie series explained to Miss Dupree that (1) Although she has been to the Santa Monica Pier, she has never, ever been below it, (2) She does not find Tom (Cruise) to be at all attractive, and (3) She is still holding a torch for ex-boyfriend Rob Pattinson.

When told by Dupree that Rob has stated that he would not get back with her if she was the last female on Earth, Kristen made a face and replied that Rob is just playing hard to get.

She added that she recalls many, many times him looking into her eyes and telling her that she had the nicest smirk that he had ever seen.

In Other News. Zydeco Dupree writes in his book Trivia Territory that Kate Hudson and Keira Knightley once had a contest to see which one had the bigger boobs...both lost.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more