Kirstie Alley's Tell-All Book Tells It All

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

image for Kirstie Alley's Tell-All Book Tells It All
Kirstie writes in her book that at one time she was single-handedly eating six pizzas on a daily basis.

BEVERLY HILLS - Kirstie Alley's new book certainly blows the lid off of her countless romantic interludes, relationships, affairs, and circus-like physical antics.

The 61-year-old former star of Cheers and Dancing With The Stars states in her revealing book titled Wandering Wantonly Down The Boo Hoo Highway, that she was intimate with so many famous Hollywood males that she can't even remember 35 percent of their names.

One name she does remember is John Travolta who she says did not act at all gay and in fact said that he thought that gays like Elton John, Clay Aiken, and Nathan Lane use their femininity to try and mask their gayness.

When asked to explain Kirstie merely says that it is all in her stunningly revealing book and to go out and buy it and find the chapter in which she deals with feminine gays.

She also stated that Tom Cruise is not gay, but that Tinsel Town wants him to be gay so that they can champion the fact that a masculine male can actually be a sugar plum fairy, as Hank Williams, Jr. calls them.

Alley pointed out, in a chapter titled Hollywood Starlets Who Ride Sidesaddle, that she knew certain lesbianites were of the same-gender persuasion before 98.7 percent of America knew.

When asked to name names she smiled as she took a sip of her Redneck Prairie Fire, and rattled off the names Meredith Baxter, Lily Tomlin, Jessica Lange, Kelly McGillis, and Belladonna Diddlestock.

Alley revealed that Dancing With The Stars judge Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli gave her $35,000 to not mention any of his limp wristed exploits in her book.

Kirstie did write in Chapter 13, that she was disavowing the rumor about Rush Limbaugh possibly being gay. She said that the rumor started because El Rusho likes to suck on a 12-inch cigar and thus a lot of people just kind of put six inches and six inches together.

SIDENOTE: Kirstie was asked who she would like to see portray her in a motion picture about her life. She giggled and said that she thinks that Lindsay Lohan would be perfect, but quickly added that Sandra Bullock looks a lot more like her except that she isn't as chubby as her, as ditsy as her, or as horny as her.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more