Cruise will quit Scientology to become a 'Moonie'

Funny story written by Francois Dubois, S.J.

Monday, 15 October 2012

image for Cruise will quit Scientology to become a 'Moonie'
This is the only photo we have of a cruise. Sorry.

LOS ANGELES (ABSNN) - was granted an exclusive interview with Tom Cruise today. The actor revealed he is leaving the Church of Scientology and will become a "Moonie."

"Yes, it is true, I am leaving Scientology to become a 'Moonie,'" the actor said.

No leader of the Church of Scientology has spoken to the press, on the record, but the daughter of the late Sung Yung Moon, founder of the Unification Church confirmed to "Cruise will become a member on Thursday, just as soon as his tithing check clears the bank."

Many celebrity watchers believe that Cruise is leaving the Church of Scientology in an effort to win back his former wife, Katie Holmes and their daughter Suri.

"Katie was getting very frightened of Scientology. That is why she took Suri and left Tom in the first place," said made-up celebrity Kim Kardashian.

"Personally, I think Katie will be much more comfortable as a Moonie," Kardashian said.

"But if she doesn't go back to Tom, I'll give him a turn in bed with me," she said.

"Cruise has yet to make any statement about switching from Scientology to the Moonies," said longtime Scientologist Lester R. Hubbard.

We will keep you informed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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