German Masterchef pulled off the air after cannibalism rumours

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 8 June 2012


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Magnotta's second dish was fast food

The German version of Masterchef, Meisterkoch has been taken off the air when it was revealed that the contestant calling himself Hans Waschen was the suspected cannibal Luka Magnotta.

"We were initially okay with Magnotta's first round dish," said presenter, Tim Raue. "It was a pork soljanker. Very spicy, very tasty."

Thomas Jaumann, Raue's fellow presenter, also enjoyed the meal. "We noticed, however, by the third round, that every dish Magnotta was creating was pork based. When questioned about it, he stated that he liked the taste of pork."

Researchers on the show, investigated Magnotta and discovered his real identity, at which point all of the people who had eaten Magnotta's dishes were violently ill.

"Although he denied it," said Raue, "we had a strong suspicion that we hadn't been eating pork."

With all of the dishes completely polished off there was insufficient evidence remaining for DNA testing to ensure that it had been pork. Instead researchers have been forced to scour missing person reports to see if the disappearances of any local people coincided with the dates of the shows.

"We've compared the missing people to the dishes that Magnotta produced," said Jaumann. "There was an acrimonious divorcee who went missing before that show, which may explain the bitter and sour taste of the soup."

His second dish was a burger, and that coincided with the disappearance of a jogger.

"I'd have preferred a tightrope walker," joked Jaumann, shortly before being fired. "It's more of a balanced meal."

"His last meal tasted funny," said Raue. "We think that may have been pork, as there are no comedians in Germany."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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