April in Paris

Written by Rama

Sunday, 2 April 2006

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It's April in Paris. It's also close to the birth of highly anticipated Hollywood 'superbaby' Pitt Jr. Brangelina - the name sounds like a breakfast cereal - decided to have the child in Paris as a tribute to Jolie's Mom, Michelle Bertrand. That's what Jolie makes sure to tell everyone. It's sweet, and will keep her few fans from deserting her, for awhile.

I can't help thinking that Crazy Angie may have ulterior motives for her transatlantic pregnancy. For one thing, the 'Love Triangle' was growing into more of a 'Bermuda Triangle'. Up to a certain point, Brad and Jolie delighted in the effect of cheesy publicity stunts, such as stopping into the local 7 11, pretending to pick out supper, and playing 'down to earth'. The began to be mockingly referred as "Pitt Stops".

Then the pressure started getting to America's most talked about couple. The paparazzi alone must've been as maddening as a swarm of African Killer Bees. So Brad and Jolie de camped to Paris.

Now the French don't impress easily. The beautiful and stylish Princess Diana got their attention, but that's about what it took. Usually the French pride themselves on being a bit 'above it all'. It's called chauvinism. It's an idea that was introduced in the Age of Napolean, and means that the French are better than everyone else. So naturally they like to think that it takes more than a couple of pretty American film stars to impress.

The result is that Brad and Angelina can walk about the streets of Paris as free as a pair of little love birds. It's an amenable and low key environment in which Jolie's hormones can go out of whack with relative safety.

Relative safety for everyone except her hapless boyfriend. Brad is beginning to appear in public dirty, unshaven, and smelly. Worse still, his handsome face has been seen both swollen and bruised. The current rumours are that an estrogen enraged Jolie hauled off and socked him!

There must be some trouble in paradise, because Mr Pitt has begun smoking heavily and drinking hard. He's confessed to best chum, George "Oscar" Clooney that this is 'the worst time of my life'. There is even some low key buzz that Brad has put the breaks on the wedding plans. So, even in Paris, the pressure's getting to them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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