Editors to help save Entertainment industry

Funny story written by Kelvin Bueckert

Wednesday, 18 January 2006

image for Editors to help save Entertainment industry
Mr Snead at work on his proposal

The American society of editors today announced its program to help music and movie stars.
"The problem is that many stars today have no concept of grammar and structure." Explained Alvin X Snead, head of the organization.
"The problem really becomes obvious when Hollywood releases a bio pic about the lives of these so-called stars. What we propose is a holistic approach to life for those in the entertainment field. "
"We need stars, or anyone to live their life in a coherent and consistent narrative. It makes it much easier to edit, and of course, their lives are much more marketable for doing so. I cannot stress how important it is to be consistent in your character. Always do the same thing day after day, in exactly the same way. It'll make your life easier, and when the bio pic is released the editor in the audience will feel waves of joy for your efforts." Alvin remarked.
"Structure your life story around conflict and resolution. Never allow conflict to go unresolved, defeat it as dramatically and heroically as possible. Trust me; it will make for good screen time if you do. Always structure your life so that you build to a dramatic climax, then end as happily as possible. No one likes a tragic or unresolved ending." Alvin remarked and explained.
"Last, but never least is grammar. Always speak in perfect English, I cannot stress this enough. If your lips utter error or if you drop a single error in punctuation into your everyday dialogue you will be rejected and doomed to a life of poverty. Elvis is a perfect example of this, soon after he uttered that perverse phrase," you ain't nothing but a hound dog," his career took a turn for the worse. Some misguided souls may use the excuse that Elvis died, but any good editor knows better. Grammar is the single important point of anyone's life. Be forewarned, if rap artists had heeded this simple warning, rap music might have taken off instead of failing miserably as it did. Young person, you have so many dreams ahead of you; do not make the same mistake. The American society of editors is pleased to offer a completely new slate of programs to help in this regard. Please call your local chapter of the American society of editors for the latest program information and availablity."Alvin explained, remarked, and then ended his statement.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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