McDonalds: The Cadmium Is For Extra Flavor!

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Saturday, 27 November 2010


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image for McDonalds: The Cadmium Is For Extra Flavor!
Those McRibs are delicious, but what is that tingling in my left arm??

Arc International, the company that brought us Pyrex, Mikasa, and McDonalds glasses chock-full of lethal cadmium, is backing away from the affirmative defense they've proffered in a lawsuit stemming from the 'Shrek Forever After' glasses fiasco.

"We contend that the cadmium, while technically a globally recognized toxic substance, was used in the 'Shrek' glasses to give the beverages contained therein a delightful, invigorating flavor," said Russ Smythe, McDonald's' President of European Operations. "You say 'poison', I say 'yummy!'."

"We regret any error made," said a company spokesperson. "But McDonalds' position is nucking-futs."

Arc-manufactured 16oz cadmium glasses --sold in promotion of the 2010 release of the movie 'Shrek Forever After: Milking The Cash Cow Dry-- were ripped from the hands of crying children when they were recalled by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission in June, 2010.

"I want my Shrek cup, I want my Shrek cup, " said 5-year-old Miel Maryanna, over and over and over, all the f--king way home. Non-stop. Then she began crying and stomping her feet.

"I think that the Shrek glasses are very nice," said a 7-year-old boy, whose memory of second grade was wiped clean by cadmium exposure. "If I could still walk, I'd go to McDonald's and get another one."

"Arc International continues to assert that the glassware meet the high standards of quality and safety, and met all Zambian (The sweatshop-riddled country of manufacture) applicable standards," said the spokesperon.

"McDonald's tested these f--king nightmare glasses in a 3rd party laboratory," continued Smythe, preparing to be run out of his job on a rail. Again. "The glassware was determined to be 'safeish'."

"You say McDonald's is irresponsible because it sells cadmium-laced, breakable glasses to kids. I disagree," continued Smythe. "Because, if so, then you must think that it is irresponsible to sell sh-tty food to kids with toys, or to pay our staff low wages, or to not pay overtime rates, or to understaff our restaurants to save labor dollars, increasing the risk of job-related accidents, or to fire employees who wish to unionize, or to force poor countries to commit Vast areas of land for cattle ranching at the expense of local food needs, or our use of thousands of tons of unnecessary packaging, or that our franchisees exploit poorer cities, extracting money out of the communities, or to... OK, never mind."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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