Urinal Manufacturer Releases New Kids Book; 'Everybody Pees'

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 5 November 2010

image for Urinal Manufacturer Releases New Kids Book; 'Everybody Pees'
The Belgian Standard at Home, with only a few minor splash stains on the floor.

International porcelain bathroom fixture manufacturer, Belgian Standard, announced today the new release of a children's picture book targeted at young boys and titled, "Everybody Pees".

The clever marketing department at Belgian Standard found a way to link a child's first memories of this all important maturity milestone, to the name of their product. VP of Marketing, Evan Streams says, "We want kids to grow up thinking, 'I want to take my piss in a Belgian Standard'. That way when they reach adulthood and buy their own homes, they won't think about commodes as a commodity, they will tie a subconscious feeling of childhood independence with the Belgian Standard product line".

Child psychologists seem to support Streams' conclusions. Connecting positive childhood memories to product names tends to have a lasting effect. Using Disney as the best example, when young kids grow up they may not remember the details of their trip as a three year old, but they do remember the brand name as a positive thing. "Our goal is not have people blindly seek out a place to do their business, we want them looking for a place to take a leak or a dump on us", says Streams.

Critics however, don't care for the cartoon imagery or the rhyming patterns used by the author. In one section, multiple drawings show a boy's twig and berries in different sizes and colors with the text; "Some are dark, some are light, some are long, and some are sprite", all shown in the act of urinating. Streams defends the pages saying, "This is the least offensive way we can show the child how it's done. Of course the Belgian Standard name is clearly visible across the top of each urinal"

The remainder of the book is set up like a field trip between a father and son, showing urinals at restaurants and sporting stadiums, churches and city buildings. "It works pretty well as a story line and a marketing device", says Streams, "We're quite proud of our pee book".

Based on early success of this book venture, Belgian Standard plans a follow up book for young girls tentatively titled, "Ladies Sit".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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