Liberal Home Expo Show Opens in San Francisco

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Thursday, 16 September 2010


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Home of the Future

San Francisco CA: House Speaker Pelosi cut the ceremonial red ribbon (made from recycled duct tape) at the Mission Bay Convention Center, officially opening this Democratic liberal far left sponsored home show. Home design, home furnishings and transportation options that are envisioned for the future home are featured. President Obama and the First Lady are to attend the Liberal Home Expo Show vegan banquet later in the week.

The theme of the products and services on display at the various exhibit booths illustrates that the Obama administration camp followers have participated in the design. This august religious body of extremists includes rabid environmentalists, animal rights advocates, zero population growth, the food police, vegans, energy conservationists and government regulators.

A half scale model of the home of the future is seen as you enter the convention center. Oops, sorry that is the full scale smaller home of the future that they claim will save the planet. There is no heating system, except the approximate 100 British Thermal Unit (BTU) body heat of each of the home's occupants combined with 24 inch thick insulated walls. The body heat source may be supplemented by wearing winter coats, but animal fur (except road kill) is not sanctioned by the EPA. The 18th century practice of bundling is strongly recommended by HHS. Air conditioning is via opening windows and employing recycled paper fans.

The home has two bedrooms, one for the adults and the other for the children. The modern beds in each room are abutted cots. (Four by eight foot sheets of recycled plywood are an acceptable option.) It's that 100 BTU thing having everybody bundle together to keep warm in the winter. A permit from the FDA is required for each child to be procreated, unless an Easy Pass is purchased. HHS also mandates breast feeding the children. Couples can only have two children of one sex to avoid problems during bundling. I know what you are thinking, but don't ask and the home show sponsors won't tell!

The kitchen/dining area has a direct hot line to the food/salt police at 1-800-NOO-SALT for mom to check in at mealtimes for vegan-lite menu approval. There are no appliances except for a can opener (emergency rations only) powered by the bathroom located electricity generators/batteries. Since there is no refrigerator, all foods must be prepared fresh. In this manner power consumption is reduced. Appliances are replaced by hand labor for cooking, cleaning, washing and drying dishes (those darn BTUs again). Methane gas generated by a fecal digester provides gas for cooking.

The two bathrooms (the liberal thinking rooms on the left wing of the home) are constantly monitored by the EPA, to insure only one gas passing (Methane) per person per day. The commode has bicycle pedals to turn a generator while seated to charge batteries and increase human BTU output. (Women will be responsible for generating twice as much electricity then men.) The FDA recommends that locally grown corn cobs and pine cones be employed instead of toilet paper, in order to save deciduous trees.

The one closet, shared between bedrooms, is spacious for keeping all those second hand thrift shop clothes that must be worn forever, as mandated by the FDA. When the pre-owned clothes do fall apart, new clothes must be made from any shed animal hair found in the home and/or from the shearing of sheep.

The living room is where the 13 inch black and white TV is located continuously playing President Obama's speeches about the economy improving, health care reform saving money and taxes being good for the middleclass. The personal computer and telephone may also be located here. The wall to wall carpet is organic, made from shed animal hair from the goats, sheep, cows, chickens and pets. Bringing the animals into the living room increases the room's temperature (more BTU's) during the winter. Dad's OSHA inspected hand tool chest is kept in this room.

The farm animal and mother-in-law effluvium room contains the fecal digester for producing Methane gas from the bathroom fecal matter and animal waste. A back-up compost heap is optional. The chickens, goats, cows, pigs and animal companions (pets) are also kept here, when not in the living room. There is ample space for garden tool storage. A large crawl space centered under this room captures the Carbon Dioxide, which is picked up by the Al Gore Carbon Footprint Company along with other recyclable items.

The one car garage has space for a four passenger automobile that gets an equivalent of 200 miles per gallon, contains 10 airbags and never needs any repair. Worldwide automobile manufacturers estimate the first model to be available in 2060. No cost estimates are currently available, but it is being called the Edsel II. In the interim four bicycles are provided with the home, as standard transportation equipment.

Home power consumption for illumination, a personal computer, telephone and a TV set is monitored by a smart electrical meter connected to a smart grid, allowing the home owner windmill and solar generated power for up to four hours per day except for windless or cloudy days. (Coal, nuclear and fossil fuel power generating plants will all be shut down by the EPA.)

The home has 72 rain barrels (just a coincidence) to provide all the water for washing, flushing, drinking and a bath/shower once per week per person. Additionally, excess rainwater will go into wetland and vegetable gardens, no grass. Mosquito control is a dual use function, remember those paper cooling fans.

The home is ergonomically designed to create more work (increasing those pesky BTUs again) which is part of Michelle's obesity/weight reduction program. Healthcare, Social Security and Medicare costs are reduced by the recurrence of all those diseases of the 19th century that were thought to be eliminated, reducing life expectancy to 60 years for both sexes. How nice!

This liberal home of the future costs a lot more because only union labor is used in its construction, it takes five trial lawyers to deal with FANNIE MAE for a mortgage, and taxes have been increased. The IRS is no longer allowing mortgage interest deductions because of the multi-trillion dollar federal deficits. (A resident teacher for the kids is also an option.) The various exhibit booths further illustrate all the products, furnishings and options contained in the home, which may be bought from the GSA catalog.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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