Written by Maynard Collington

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

image for Google CEO advises newspapers on business tactics
Google CEO

San Diego, CA - On Tuesday Google CEO encouraged newspaper publishers to focus on making some money. "Try really hard and stuff, to like find new ways to get more moneys" he encouraged.

Without providing any specifics Eric Schmidt waved his hands around and tried to sound like he had real advice. "Well I think they should start out by getting lucky - like the Google founders did 10 or 15 years ago, for one" he was quoted as saying. "I mean once they stumble into more money than god, then its easy street! It worked well for Google"

Schmidt's wide ranging remarks went on for about 45 minutes, in front of an audience of businesses that are facing extinction. Schmidt told reporters he was deeply concerned about the newspaper publishing business, although no one in attendance could figure out what relevant advice he was offering.

One attendee said "He was going on about wikipedia and some sort of medical records search engine, he even threw in the mobile phone buzzwords for good measure... I was stunned. Does he not know that newspapers are printed on paper? WTF is he even talking about"

Schmidt's appearance ended after he was served with a summons from one of the Associated Press' lawyers in attendance. The attorney then told reporters "The AP is serving search engine sites like Google. They divert from newspaper sites and don't pay appropriate licensing rights."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Google, Newspaper

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