D'oh! Burns to Acquire ClearChannel

Funny story written by Jazzy T.

Friday, 11 June 2004

image for D'oh! Burns to Acquire ClearChannel
"Step back, boys. ClearChannel is mine!"

C. Montgomery Burns, the old fogey that Simpsons' fans love to hate, has done it yet again. He has bought radio giant ClearChannel and plans to install at least 25 stations in Springfield.

In the spirit of Homer Simpson, all ClearChannel employees are now saying "D'oh!" Even Ryan Seacrest, whose radio show is owned by ClearChannel, is quaking at the prospect of working for the most-hated man in the world.

Burns' first order of business is to fire popular Top-40 deejay Rick Dees, who is reportedly over the hill. Dees responded, "I woud kill the bastard if I ever find him. You can count on that!"

Homer Simpson himself doesn't have a clue as to what hit him. When The Spoof broke the story to Simpson at Moe's Tavern, he said, "What the hell ClearChannel did he buy, anyway? Fox, CNN, ESPN?"

Even Simon Cowell has expressed hatred for Burns. "I want to kill Monty Burns, who stole my title. Everybody knows I'm the most hated man in the world, ever since I began torching contestants on American Idol. I won't be happy until I know for sure that, once and for all, the old bastard is dead."

Meanwhile, no one was at all surprised that Burns bought ClearChannel. About 94% of all listeners say they hate ClearChannel anyway, and they wouldn't listen to their stations again even if Howard Stern comes back, which Burns is trying to make happen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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