Happy Period, Cramping Sales

Written by Michael Coleman

Saturday, 29 December 2007

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Cincinnati - The new feminine hygiene advertising campaign; "Have a Happy Period", has put a serious cramp in sales of a major consumer goods company, according to Wall Street analysts.

"I've never seen a more erratic sales pattern," said industry analyst Wes Sampson. "One week every month sales dive into the red, only to recover and then repeat at almost the same moment the following month."

The advertising campaign was the brainchild of Hansen Agency, based in Vancouver, Canada. "I don't understand the irrational reaction to the campaign," says Peter Hansen. "One week, the campaign tested very well with a group of 18-45 year old women. Two weeks later when the ad began airing, the same group of women tried to burn down our office complex." According to a police spokeperson, the women involved surrendered without incident at a Ben & Jerry's across the street from the agency.

Although the company has yet to return calls from the media, PR Director Harold Stevens did release the following statement;

"Our intention with the Happy Period campaign, was to bring a smile to the faces of women with a light hearted take on what is normally considered a less than pleasant part of the female experience".

In what police suggest may be a related incident, Harold Stevens was found beaten to death with his own golf clubs earlier this week. In custody is Stevens' wife Susan and their sixteen year old daughter. The neighbour who called 911, told the operater that he could hear two hysterical women screaming "Happy period my ass" during the brutal beating.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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