McDonalds Announces New Happy Meal Toys For Adults

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Saturday, 7 July 2007


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Remember, finish your hamburger before playing with your toy!

McDonalds, worried at their recent drop in sales in their adult demographic, has decided to extend their marketing strategy. Effective August 1st, the world's largest hamburger chain will a new Happy Meal for Adults, the Make You Really Happy Meal.

Just as the current children's toys are marked for girls and boys, the new meals will have toys gender specific to men and women. They will also, on occasion, tie the current toy promotion into a television series or movie.

The new meal will include a big mac, large fries, a large soft drink and the toy. It will retail at 50 cents more than the current Big Mac Value Meal, to cover the price of the packaging and the toy.

When asked what prizes would be included in the new adult promotion, McDonalds Marketing head Jay Crock said, "Obviously, you can't afford too much for just fifty cents. We've had to keep the cost of the premiums low."

"Some of the premiums in the men's toys will include condoms (with Ronald McDonald's face printed on them). Reservoirs at the end will be shaped like a Big Mac or the Grimmace. We didn't originally want to use that character, because of the connotations of his name, but if you think about some of the facial expressions people make..."

"Other premiums for men will include little picture books and hand creams. We've also got a little Betty Blow Up Doll that may be popular."

"Women's toys will include a string operated vibrator. It runs on the same principle as the little string driven cars, but gives about fifteen seconds of soothing pleasure with each pull."

"Another premium the women might like are the personal, flavored lubricants. Right now, we have those in little packets flavored like ketchup, mustard, and mayonaisse, but other flavors are soon to follow. We think tabasco might be a hot product!"

"We're really excited about this new line of marketing and our new products. We really think that McDonalds is going to give new meaning to the Betsy Wetsy doll!"

McDonalds; it really is my kind of place!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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